You have no idea what I'm going through. Don't even bother pretending like you do because you don't. If you did you would understand.

But you don't understand.

This made me want to cry.

If only the whole world could hear him speak. 

Headaches.

Do not love him if he does not love Allah. If he can leave Allah, he can leave you. Mhmm. 

Funny, doing Employment Law research. 4.37 am. My head is tired but my eyes won't close. They dare not with all this workload and pressure. Thinking.. Thinking.. 

Still thinking..

Might as well wait for Subuh, sejam je lagi pun. 

Hi. It's been a while kan. Inspiration where have you been?  

SNZ

Happy 20th birthday my beautiful bestie, Nadiayam :)

Weh, dah 6 tahun kita kawan. That's a long time. I'm so happy I met you, in that class on that day. Nasib baik kau tarik aku nak duduk sekali. Duduk depan meja cikgu for one year, tu pun kerja berbual je dalam kelas kan haha. JESS yang penuh memori suka duka.

Thank you for having my back through everything and being a shoulder I can lean on. I know I can trust you to be there for me when I need you.

Just carry on being the pretty, smart, independent and ambitious girl that you are, and I'm positive you'll go far in your life.

All of us love you loads. I hope our friendship will carry on and be stronger, InshaAllah.

xx

Miracles happen. They do.

Our paths are uncertain. They are different. There are no guarantees. We can only give it our best shot and trust that Allah knows what is best for us, for now and the afterlife.

Oh Allah, please don't make this world my priority.

Puasa jom.

Subuh: 02:36

Maghrib: 21:42

Allah give me strength :')

The moment you realise what your subconscious has known all along.

Sepesen je semua. Oh dear oh dear.
I guess I do have a type - when it comes to celebrity crushes that is. Gosh I'm terribly pathetic sometimes.

OM NOM NOM

The Goot

So talented. And so freaking cute grr.

Hasbunalahhu wani'man wakiil

Fainnamaal usri yusraa. Innamaal usri yusraa. 

all that I can do now.

Such a cute way of spreading the love :)

no doubt she's my number one.

Today, my awesome mum turns 44 hee HAPPY BIRTHDAY IBU!

I sent her flowers which were then delivered to our doorstep. She loves lilies so I sent her a really big bouquet of them. Totally worth it cos she was so surprised.

Malam 31st kat Malaysia tu terus skype date.

The thing that got me even more excited was my plan masa nak skype. Actually, I've been learning  a bit to play the guitar sejak sampai sini sebab jumpa kawan-kawan yang semua hebat gila siot doh jer kot main and they're nice enough to teach me the chords so I get to practice. So I decided, for my lovely Ibu's birthday, I wanted to play that super duper Maher Zain track - Number One For Me. That song macam perfect gila. 

So got the chords from Aliff the guitar genius and belajar main sikit. Couldn't really practice that much sebab musim exams sekarang tapi boleh lah jugak bagi ada bunyi lagu tu haha so I played it for her :)

It probably sounded horrible 'cos I don't exactly play the guitar that well plus my singing voice is really just blargh, I mean I'm not Yuna or Taylor kan but she still loved it anyway. She nearly cried at one point hmm sumpah terharu tengok Ibu happy macam tu.

Lepastu datang lah jiran tetangga, whom she met masa datang visit before this, and they all sang happy birthday for her which shocked her a bit 'cos they all kinda popped out ramai-ramai dari belakang pastu terus nyanyi. Comel je. 

I love you Ibu. And I miss you so so much tak sabar nak balik. I'm sorry for everything I've done that's hurt you. Thank you for sticking by me and keeping me going through all of this, especially now when I'm probably at my lowest point.

I'm completely blessed to be able to call you my Ibu and I thank Allah everyday for that. Happy birthday.

BIG HUG

Hehehe why you so sweet hah?! I love you. Love you. Love you.

Me, stressed?

Ada lah sikit.

That's the result of playing with white tack and markers :)

this learning process

You shouldn't put all your trust in people because they tend to let you down. 

Holding on, Hajar Mardhiah.

Aww thank you so so much Ja :') I miss you too sweetheart. Can't wait to go back home to see you! Hee tak lama dah hopefully.

And InshaAllah. I'm not letting go.

Spirit lifter 'cos my spirit needs lifting.

Tapi lihatlah hikmahnya disebalik tiap kejadian yang telah berlaku.

Tuhan tidak akan pernah mempersia-sia ketabahan seorang insan.

Dalam mengaharungi arus kehidupan yang penuh mehnah ujian.

Note to self.

It's merely a human thing to question why we have to go through such situations of distress and worry. Why do some things we face have to be so gut wrenchingly difficult? Why can't everything just be smooth sailing like we plan it to be? Like we hope it to be.

Why does God put us in these challenging situations? Why can't the path be straight and bump-free? Kenapa kena susah and tak menentu?

Lepas tu terfikir, biasanya kita doa dekat Allah untuk dekatkan hati kita dengan Dia supaya kita lagi rapat and lagi percaya pada ketentuan Dia kan. So maybe, that's Him answering our prayers. Bila kita doa untuk Tuhan kuatkan iman kita, perhaps the way to look at it is that Allah jawab doa kita dalam bentuk 'trials and tribulations'. Sebab orang yang hidup senang lenang tanpa cabaran akan lebih mudah untuk leka and jauh dari Allah, because he doesn't have to pray for anything since he always gets what he wants. Orang yang perlu hadapi kesusahan dan kepayahan hidup selalu kena mohon Allah tolong permudahkan perjalanan. Allah nak dekatkan kita dengan Dia. Nak kukuhkan iman kita.

When things get difficult, the tendency for humans is to ask for help. And when all is done, at the end of the day we realise that there is only so much we are capable of doing. So we bow down to the Almighty and ask for His help for us to face these challenges. Ini cara Allah nak bagi hati kita humble and kita tak bangga diri or riak. Supaya kita ingat nak cari Allah selalu. So that we always remember that in essence, we are powerless. We are nobody. We are absolutely nothing without Him. 

Bila solat tu, the act of 'sujud' itself is the absolute epitome of total submission. You are literally begging for His mercy and His forgiveness. You surrender your fate to Him. You acknowledge being completely helpless and that you need His help to get through. Kira-kira balik, sehari kita kena sujud 34 kali (yes I did the maths there haha) and it shows how much Allah loves us and wants us to remember Him. To keep us close to Him. Itu pun, hati kita kadang-kadang rasa jauh je dari Dia. Bila kena go through really hard situations baru nak ingat balik dekat Dia. Lumrah kehidupan. Though, bila dah sedar, we can always try to be better.

Just a little reminder to myself. I'm trying. 

Smile :)

hiatus

you catch my drift.

Count the stars, watch the waves, absorb the summer sun

and think of me.

Heh daydreaming again. Okay, sambung study.

Tell me more, tell me more.

AAAHHH KENAPA COMEL SANGAT NI?! Seriously, suka gila gila konsep video dia! So simple and cute and unique. And those two go perfectly well together 'cos sama-sama gila haha. 

Nak booking CST Productions jugak lah macam ni ngeheh. Sorry, just taking a break from 'not studying'.

There is no power and strength except through Allah. 

:)

"Kak yong, you have to start being an Optimist Prime, not a Negatron." 

When your little brother starts giving out motivational quotes. Sigh. I need to be more positive.

InshaAllah.

just us kids.

The most ideal way to study when you're both staying in different halls of residence but you need someone to be there cos you don't want to study alone at 2 in the morning. All hail skype and all its shining glory hehe.

Thanks teman i study pepagi buta Miwa :')

Oh and please don't mind the messy table, bila dekat nak exam memang jadi serabut tak tentu arah.

That feeling of panic, tension and outright confusion.

I'm a mess. I need help. I need lots of help.

Oh Allah, please help me. I'm lost and I can't find my way out.

Give me the strength to get through this, alive. Please.

I can't do this on my own. I just can't.

She's an angel.

My beautiful sweet sayang, Nur Aliah. Happy 20th birthday sweetheart! I wish I could be with you on this special day. Kau dah tua muahaha. Ya aku tahu sat lagi aku pun 20 jugak, tapi lambat lagi hehe. You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. Your lovely personality and sweetness and kindness just spill out of you wherever you go and it's amazing to see. You're always thinking the best of people and it's really inspiring. 

I am so happy that we became room mates, and class mates hee. 

.
Couldn't have asked for a better partner to 'mandikan gajah' with hahaha. I love you so much. Happy birthday :*

The absolute truth.

A friend posted this on her Facebook page and I just thought it was the most beautiful thing.

"If a man does not fall to his knees for the 5 daily prayers, he doesn't deserve to fall on one knee with a ring."

Thanks Jasmine Alya :)

Entah kenapa tiba-tiba rindu,

Utterly speechless.

Ada orang tu bagi. Saya tak tahu nak cakap apa. Terharu, sangat. Sangat. Thank you so so so sooo much! Only Allah can repay your kindness and thoughtfulness. Oh my. Need to catch my breath. Give me a sec.

Happy? Me? What a super duper understatement that is.

I'm still in awe, even now :')

"Get out, get out, get out of my head and fall into my arms instead."

That awkward moment when you hear a song in a store and you think it's kind of awesome so you go back home to google it and it turns out to be a song by One Direction.

Shit happens.

Sweeties.

What Charlotte made on her Keep Calm app the other day, awww :')

And what Mira set as her wallpaper, more awww :')

cup of cake.

You know that awesome feeling you get when something turns out to be exactly how you thought it was going to be? Or even better than you expected it to be.

Like, when you and your friends have planned to surprise another friend for his birthday by tying him to a tree and shoving cream and flour in his face, and the happiness and excitement and 'puas hati' feeling that overcomes you is just so much more exhilarating than you imagined in the first place especially because the friend who gets the surprise is really, really surprised and shocked and speechless. You know that feeling?

That feeling. Yeah, it's awesome.

Tak sabar nak tengok video and gambar dari cameraman betul.

And I don't think I've ever said this to anyone, but happy belum-birthday orang tua (a.k.a Aliff Hilmi/NAFAS)

:)

Feels like a while back.

Teringat masa Form 4 selalu dengar lagu-lagu M2M sampai kalau kat sekolah pakat bluetooth dari phone kawan, kan Tg kan. Haha. Pengawas tak sedar diri bawak phone pergi sekolah. Astarghfirullah.

I miss my Puffs.

Testing,

'Cos good friends believe in you especially when you've lost belief in yourself.

She sang our song, and made a video for me. And at the end of it she gave me the sweetest words of encouragement, at a time when I feel like breaking into pieces.

I'm so happy UiTM put us in the same room masa Asasi. I love you so much Lia.

And again.

Hmm something went wrong with the previous post. How peculiar.

Anyway, I can't remember what I said last time. I think it included me saying that my friends and I took part in a 26-mile walk around Manchester to raise money for charity. And it was pure torture. Kaki macam nak putus dari badan. Well, to be fair the beginning was okay, it just got really hard from the middle onwards.

So I'll just put up the pictures like I did before.

Best team mates ever. So supportive and encouraging, without whom I am absolutely certain I could not have finished the walk. Thank you for being so fantastic and helping me get through it. Aliff for carrying my heavy bag, dah lah you had your bag too pastu kena teman kita jalan slow-slow sebab kaki kita dah memang nak tercabut. Charlotte for literally pulling me in the last 5 miles and making sure I was okay. And Phil for always smiling and playing games and keeping everybody happy. You guys are amazing.

55 miles next year? Hmm, perhaps not. But I'll wait for you at the finish line dengan banner eh :)