One more week.

And it'll be done.

Yeah yeah yeah.

I wish I could say that it's all black and white but it's gray,

Currently bopping to this whilst studying Jurisprudence 'cos I need some light and happy de-stressers right now woohoo.

Tawakal.

It's about 13 hours 15 minutes until my first paper for semester 2 of second year starts. Panic? Mesti lah, tapi Alhamdulillah so far I'm much calmer than I would expect myself to be in this situation. Usually I'd be hyperventilating macam gila, tapi currently I'm still managing to breathe calmly which is such a blessing. 

Land Law I feel is like one of the worst, if not the worst subject I have ever had to learn. The principles, the methods, the issues and oh God the legal language it's written in is beyond comprehension almost all the time. I have to refer to 4 or 5 sources just to get the meaning of something because one book will say one thing and the other will say another.

And why am I babbling on over here when I should be preparing? 

Well, I am preparing. Nak muntah penat prepare. Taking 5 as they say, my head needs to chill kejap. 

I don't feel ready. I don't feel like I know enough to answer an exam. But hey, I have done absolutely everything I can. That I am sure of. And once we have given something all our efforts, it's up to Him to decide the outcomes right? There are reasons for everything that happens. 

Okay dah lah tu pergi sambung study Licences and Proprietary Estoppel. Such fun. 

I hate May.

Sebab May time exams.

I want to get them over with in the best way possible. I'm going to give it my best shot. Like I always do. Berjaya or not, itu takdir Allah. It always is.

He has helped me through everything up until now and I pray He continues to help me and my friends who are going through their own challenges. A friend's prayers, when honest and sincere can be very powerful.

I miss my friends at home. I miss home. I want to go home.

But I can't go home yet. Not just yet. Tapi tak lama dah hehe hati berbunga fikir nak peluk Ibu and Ayah.

Allah please guide us straight and true.

Comes with the territory.

Constitutional Reform still needs editing.
Jusriprudence is halfway. Getting there.
Referencing still not done.

Ya Allah, these assignments are slowly stripping my sanity away. I just need to get them done. Weeks and weeks of them taking over my thoughts dah jadi tak betul dah ni. Feel like I've been squeezing my brain to the max but still not enough comes out of there. It's sad really. 

To quote a friend and fellow course mate,

"Achievement Unlocked: First 100/2500 words done....after 5 hours of deep contemplation."

LOLZ. Glad I'm not alone in this. Totally feel you bro.

Guess that's what Law does to you. This stuff makes you end up sitting in front of the screen for hours where in the beginning you were diligently thinking about jurisprudential theories and concepts that make no sense in the slightest until you get so lost and discombobulated in your thoughts and you eventually wind up pondering the great mysteries of life, questioning what you've been doing for the last 3 and a half hours and whether or not you still have enough milk in the fridge. 

Oh crap I need to buy milk. 

Slow and steady girl, slow and steady. 

55 23

You wanted it so bad. You prayed for it for so long. Now He has given it to you. He has put it right in front of you.  Yet still you doubt.

Enough already.
Wake up. Please wake up.

shmail.

Time for a facelift!

Lifting. Cheeks. Oh. No. Too. Heavy. Cannot. Lift. Anymore.

Well, there's someone who always knows what to say to make me smile and I know will always be there. Actually, dia tak cakap apa pun aku still senyum jugak. She just needs to smile and then I'll smile cos her smile is freaking contagious man omg. She's so blessed. Allah bagi dia kelebihan untuk buat orang lain tersenyum. So people love being around her.

So glad we got to spend some time together after so long Hajarjajaja. I know you'll do amazing in your studies in London. Then next year you'll graduate then we'll hear the sounds of the kompangzz kan kan miahahaha amin.

I wuv yoo sweediee. Mish you.

Rockets came to life.

So those who know me know how much of a psychotic HootOwl/Owl Citizen I am. It's hard to explain but I find it so easy to fall in love with his songs. Actually come to think of it, it's not really just Owl City, it's Adam himself. His music under Owl City, Sky Sailing, Swimming with Dolphins apa semua side projects dia tu, they're all beautiful. The way he manages to intertwine these random words to make sweet sounding sentences that rhyme and people can sing to, it's just such a gift.

And the majority of his songs aren't the typical mushy-mushy lovey dovey bla bla shiznits that takeover the airwaves nowadays. They're more sort of general. He lets you relate to them how you want. He plays with them, the words. And he plays with them very well. 

Roller coaster through the atmosphere,

I'm drowning in this starry serenade, 

Where ecstasy becomes cavalier

My imagination is taking me away

That's one of my absolute favourite parts of one of many of his songs. Just sums his style up perfectly. Unique, dreamy, weird and one may say a tad nonsensical but utterly wonderful nonetheless. It's not to everyone's taste which is okay. You can't please everyone.

Tapi teringat the times back home when I would drive around with my family in the car - Adam's music blazing in the background as per usual - and they would all be like, 'OMG not him again, please pasang lagu orang lain'. And I would be all like, 'nuh uh I'm in the driver's seat so I choose.' And 5 seconds later Angah stuffs the USB in and puts on his random screamo emo tahapa benda trail mix and we would all be like 'NOOOOOO BISING'  and last last tutup radio. Bummer. Ah lovely memories.

I miss home.  

Anyway yeah.
Bye kot.

Ketuk sikit.

All you can do is try right? Try, pray, try again, and never quit praying. 

I have so much to be thankful for but I tend to forget. I need constant reminders. Wallpaper phone dah tukar, post-its around my room lah apa semua, hari-hari tengok. Tapi lupa jugak. Lumrah manusia lah kan. 

Put on a smile and move forward, however hard it may be. You're not being hypocritical, you're being thankful since you know that He has given you plenty. You acknowledge that things are difficult but you can brush it off and move along. It will be worth it someday. When you look back and see that you made it through, alive. And at that moment everything will reveal itself. And it will be good. In Sha Allah. 

Tell me again my dear will you be waiting here?

Trust is so fragile isn't it? You can give it to someone, then a little slip and it's broken. Just like that. There's no going back. You can try to mend the leftovers but the cracks will still be there. It's just not the same anymore. 

I guess that's what makes it so sad. 

Calm down deep breaths.

Randomly breaking down in tears whilst reading the notes you worked so long on because you don't know if everything is going to turn out okay. I guess that's normal, yes? No?

Maybe.

I should learn to take my own advice. Relaks lah bro.

She knows just how to lift me up.

Don't doubt if this is the best for you. Kalau Allah dah bagi jadi tu, memang it is the best for you. 

- Ibu.